Today is a brand new day.Aspire for more.Make Decisions.?Believe in yourself.Have a little fun!!!Embrace kindess.Stay strong!We're all being judged anyway, why not do what's right for you?Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter.I believe in me and MY ability to make my own decisions.I am absolutely worth-while.Know your goals, and kick ass making them happen.You are only responsible for your OWN happiness.Loving yourself and taking care of yourself, is NOT SELFISH.You cannot give from an empty cup.

Hi. I am Nikki. I am currently [this was updated on 08/14/2018] 32-years-old. I am recently married. Mike and I have two boys. Nick is going to be fifteen. Mikhail will be ten. Nick is just as much as he is nervous about high school as excited. Mikhail is hopeful that 4th grade will be much better than 3rd.
Not much else to say about the people in my life. They are few in between. That's a long story, maybe, perhaps for another time.
As for me? I'm a working mom. I've been a SAHM from the time Mikhail was born until 2016, so roughly eight years or so. It was a huge transition for me to go from SAHM, to part time, to working slightly more, to a full-blown life changing job. I'm a rep at a local bank.
This page is rather private for the security of knowing that it is public to the whole world could see it and that it could be came across by just about anyone who uses the internet. With that being said, I have learned to limit what I do and do not say. I've actually been a lot more conservative in my life in many aspects. You grow older and you realize it's not about the amount of people you have, but the quality.
Interests include: Coffee. Absolutely and always. I like to color a lot. I mostly color Hannah Lynn coloring book pages. She's really the only onen that I've been interested in. I absolutely love budgeting and making spreadsheets for my life and finances. I'm a self taught webdesigner, and everything you see here has been coded, character-by-character, by myself. I was very much a #plannergirl on Instagram, but that shipped has sailed enough to not want to keep a paper planner, however, that is why this website is kinda set up with all the boxes. I wanted to have my own personalized, digital planner.
I guess that about sums it up. You'll learn a lot more about me here. Stick around, read some posts, leave some comments and welcome to my world.

[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]

Monday, July 23, 2018 at 10:51 pm

[Work] 9:15 am - 6:15 pm

Important Events

Just make it through the full day. Come home and learn as much as you can about what you need for tomorrow and keep praying.

December 2018
« Nov    
"If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude."

his has absolutely been the craziest weekend of my life. Rewind? I’ll sum it up.

Monday, July 16th, 2018

Home from camping and back to work, plus camp, plus summer school.

It was a stressful day at work. I had a weekend of absolutely no sleep, plus the most physical activity I’ve had in a long time.

The day was long. By the end of it, I got home and I was numb. Mike asked what was wrong at least six to seven times, and finally, let go and let it all out. I explained everything to him. How I was on the worse extreme high of mania I had every experienced, and the worse extreme low of depression I had ever experienced. I explained to him, and finally told him the truth and told him that the thought of how much life would be better for everyone had I just took a few bottles of pills to end it all. In fact, I had the entire scenario all planned out. I decided hurting myself in a way that he would find me and need to eventually clean up or come back to each day would upset him too much. I would simply take too much of too much and go to sleep like any normal day, minus the fact that I would never wake up. After he listened to everything, he talked me down, and we decided I needed to get the psych appointments figured out immediately.

At the end of all of it, my car died, right after filling the entire tank with gas. The transmission finally died. It was years coming, and it finally came.

Tuesday, July 17th, 2018

Tuesday, I ultimately ended up calling into work. I decided I couldn’t do it that day. I needed to see someone today.

I made an appointment with my psych doctor that afternoon at 2:15. I was under the impression he was no way going to help me. I had Mike’s truck. You know it’s a very serious matter if I’m driving a foreign (to me) vehicle across to the other side of the city. Long story short, my psych looked at me and I had to say no more than a few words before he asked how bad, how long, and how serious. He instantaneously indicated that he would be on an anti-psychotic med. He stated we would try Latuda first. He said it was pretty expensive, and most insurances won’t cover it. Well, little did I realize, I have brand new insurance, and my deductible was $4000 and NOTHING is included prior to being met. Latuda was $1200+ for 30 pills. I immediately called their office back and asked for the alternative that he suggested which was Abilify, which I’ve had before, but thought at this point, I was so screwed maybe it will help.

We waited until everything was filled and Mike and I headed to the pharmacy. I was intending on picking up (3) of Nick’s RX and then my new one and one of my older ones which were my anxiety med – Klonopin.

We ended up at two different pharmacies because they screwed up my order. But Mike sat there, witnessing me not even bat an eye at swiping my card twice for a total of (5) RX. Three very necessary ones for Nick, and one very necessary one for me, and one that was going to make me all better once again. The grand total was about $780 or so. He watched me swipe my card, because what else was I going to do? I lost hope. I lost the life. Nick needed his meds. This little bottle of pills that I was paying $251 for was my only hope. What other choice do I have?

We went home. I was silent. I did not cry. I did not get upset. I didn’t say absolutely anything at all.

I spent over an hour spreading out my bottles of pills into five pillboxes to ensure that I don’t just have a bottle of this or that to just down at once. We went to bed. Life continued.

Wednesday, July 18th, 2018

[I’m exhausted and I have so much to type and it’s already past 10 o’ clock. Mikhail needs to go to bed but I so desperately need to finish this… I’ll do my best to sum it up more so.]

Still took the truck. Back to work today. I had 1/2 of my first dose of Abilify. I somehow felt amazing actually.

Mike asked me immediately after arriving at work, “I need to know what we need to go to the courthouse like now.”

Which instantly proceeded over the course of my work day of receiving updates through my wrist tracker that our best friend was suddenly an officially ordained minister. That this is what we need to get a marriage license. This is the verification. This is the time. “What days do you have off in the next few weeks?” I provided them to him and he responded with that he was taking off on Tuesday so we can go down and get this taken care of.

… this floored me. Did Mike just say we were officially getting married? By Myles? Next week? At this point, I didn’t ask questions. Honestly, how serious was he actually is?

Thursday, July 19th, 2018

I had off today. A must needed day off. I did laundry almost the entire day. I went grocery shopping with the big ol’ manvan that I was driving.

Mike proceeded to send me multiple updates on things we needed to either research or look into as to consider like:

  • cars that he was sending me to look at to potentially buy
  • information about wedding and marriage license
  • everything I needed to know about changing my name officially
  • we needed to pick an actual official “this will be our wedding date”
  • we needed to find out all the documentation for the license application

We went and looked at three vehicles that evening. With the advice to not rush into anything we looked.

The first one was having plates being put on it as we pulled into the driveway.
The second one was a blue Equinox that I really wanted to work out. The car’s entire left bumper wasn’t even attached to the car, along with a huge crack and dent in the front end. Yup, nope.
The third selection was something that seemed to be the hot commodity. It had just come in and was in the back because it hadn’t even fully been inspected. The guy ran it through the car wash and got it pulled up to look at before even knowing what we were interested in. Mike test drove it. I trusted his instinct. We bought it. It wouldn’t be ready until tomorrow.

Friday, July 20th, 2018

Four days ahead of me at work. Mike officially got off work for Tuesday to go down to the courthouse. This was way more serious than I had first considered. Never in my thoughts did I think 13.5 years later that he would finally actually consider taking the plunge all due to watching me go bankrupt because I couldn’t take care of myself or children the ways I needed to.

What happened this day? Oh. Normal work day for both of us. We were intending on picking up the car after I got out around 7 o’ clock. Well, I got a text about 5 pm indicating that Mike was currently being towed with the Firebird. The way it was stated via text was very alarming to me. Turned out he had driven it through a pretty deep puddle and the car didn’t like that too much. So he had to wait for the tow, for us to go see if I qualified for my car.

Long story short… we finally got there around 7:30. Everything was already sitting in the parking lot which was a good indication that we received qualification for it. We sat for a while, then talked to the finance guy. He worked his magic and probably got more money out of us than we had anticipated with it sounded like an amazing deal. But you know what? I don’t care because I got my car. 2008 Chevy Malibu. 53K miles. Beaut! Even provided me employee pricing discounts for all the maintenance and warranty for three years as well since I work at Associated Bank. Score one for me.

Saturday, July 21st, 2018

I spent the entire day at work minus lunch.

The men were gone while I arrived. They were out having fun with my car. I wanted to take the truck so Mike could do a thorough go-through on the new one just to ensure what does and doesn’t work. Which was fine.

I came home. I made an entire batch of chicken parmesan. I told the men that there was food if they wanted it. Who are they to pass up hot, fresh food? Everyone ate, hung out, then went home.

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018

I dyed my hair red and black on the 22nd of July in 2018. This is also a good pic of my weight loss since February – 60 lbs!

I had to work again. 8 am – 5 pm. I have never had this shift before. I was very excited but the day DRAGGED. What felt like I should have been there for hours it was only 10 o’ clock. It didn’t help the calls weren’t really coming in at all either. I basically read the colleague handbook and every other article on the intraweb as well.


I got out at five. It seemed like 8 pm. The whole night which I thought I had ahead of me, ended up just being all thrown off.

We didn’t do much of anything. There wasn’t anything cleaned; the boys did absolutely nothing at all for that matter. Mike’s sinuses were really acting upon him and he was pretty miserable all day. He’s also hasn’t been sleeping at all – I’m sure due to all the ‘unknowns’ meaning the past week of stress we’ve both been under trying to figure out how the hell this will all work out.

I dyed my hair. It’s chocolate red(?) on the top and black underneath. I just need to get it cut so you can see the layers a little better. Maybe, depending on how tomorrow goes and what money is spent where I might go get my hair cut with it being all straight and perfect right now. I will post a picture to show you. This will be one of the few times I have additional photos than just the featured.

One more day…


Monday, July 23rd, 2018

Mike and I talked very little today. We were busy at work. I had a lot of stuff going on. I had a pretty amazing day for the most part. I had some pretty grumpy people along with a lot of really good people.

I got an amazing compliment. Our merger customer indicated that this was his very first experience with our bank after the merge and he was completely overwhelmed with the customer service and care that I provided him. Score one, Nikki! Not only was that an amazing compliment for myself, but it was also an amazing compliment for us as a team as reps for the company bringing in our new customers during the merger.

I came home. Nobody was around. I spent 45 minutes cleaning the kitchen that should have been cleaned today by Nick with no satisfaction so he’s going to be dealing with the wrath of that tomorrow.

Mike’s still not feeling 100%. Sinuses/anxiety/overwhelmed that he’s finally biting the bullet and marrying me… all at once.

And then there’s what’s to come…

The entry is almost over. It’s past 11 pm. I’m tired but I’m sure if sleeping is even an option. It’s funny, when you tell people, “I’m going to get married tomorrow”,  no one takes it as, “oh, I’m just going to get my license to eventually ‘marry’ him but just get documentation and to have a huge celebration for next year”. With that being said, those who knew I was doing this today, knew it was just to go to the courthouse to get the marriage license, no ceremony, no wedding. But isn’t that what we’re doing? Getting married, technically? I guess not because the certification isn’t official yet with our names, our wedding date – which I picked but am not sharing until later – and then documentation that we’re APPLY for marriage and will be able to pick up our license on Monday hopefully on my birthday and then fill out the documentation with our best friend, now minister, Daddy Myles, and then I have to ask SO many questions tomorrow it’s ridiculous.

So that’s about it. These entries will absolutely not be this long typically like this. I am trying to get this design, while still get in the habit of blogging and planning and obviously with the craze of this week, the ability to blog just wasn’t there.

would you care to leave your thoughts and share your opinion on today's events? feel free to leave me a comment! [1 comment] or are you all done here? Log out of the entry.

One Response to “Craziest Week of my Life”

  1. Sheri says:

    Phew! What an entry! I’m so glad you got help. ❤

Leave a Reply

Copyright 2006 © Eternal Amour dot com, All rights reserved.
Emoticons from and
Thanks to for various icons.
Also thanks to for the Simpilicty font used.