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weight loss, weight loss transformation, 60 pounds lost, hyperthyroidism weight loss This is today back from October. Over 60lbs lost due to the nonsense that my health has decided to deal to me.
Today is a brand new day. Aspire for more. Take chances. Be amazing. Pursue your passion. Believe. Have fun. Be Brave. Never give up. Make a difference. Work hard. Embrace kindess. Live your dream. Love well. Stay strong!
Tuesday, July 10th, 2018 at 01:28 pm UTC
9:15 am - 6:15 pm
Important Events
  • Just get some answers from doctor
  • Mikhail - Field trip for camp - Bowling - 12:30 - 3:30 pm
  • If answers are provided by endo, follow up with what needs to be done w/ appoint with pdoc
Schedule & Adherence
    Work - 9:15 am - 6:15 pm
    Break around 11:30 am
    Lunch between 2 pm - 3 pm
July 2018
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One Main Focus = Many Great Successes
Come home, minimum needs to be done. Focus on getting EA functional to be able to be used properly, and just stay calm.
Who you are tomorrow begins with what you did today
[ X ] get a hold of the doctor and discuss and figure this ALL out, discuss concerns - most important
[ X ] do your best at work. Just keep trucking on, and trying your hardest. You've been your absolute worse the past two weeks, and no one has had a clue because you're amazing at hiding it. You've even received a 100% score for a QA and some OK numbers for daily scorecards. Just keep trying.
[-] Come home and get done what you need to. Otherwise, just figure out the next few days ahead... One step forward.
[-] Look at coding for this entry and figure out which are some of the best options for arrangements for boxes with sizes.
[-] think about dinner - figure it out.
[-] have Nick do something on your lunch break or have list ready for him when you're home.
Do something to make you happy
Spending quality time with Mike and having him tell me that the possibility and actuality of us being married is a very high possibility of something that is being looked into but a lot of variables need to be discussed and figured out before making such a large jump. (which secretly makes me laugh because, marriage something we really need to consider and not jump into... thirteen years later, two kids, a house, vehicles, sickness, health, debt, poverty, endless job changes, and so much more.)
Don't give from an empty cup
Lots of reset time for myself and although I may get in trouble for doing so, I took some moments to believe in myself, and take some breaths before allowing myself to move on to the next one. Even after all that I went through with phone calls to the doctors, I went back to work and finished my day getting as much information as I can provide what the future may hold, just in case.
Strive For Continuous Improvement, Not Perfection
Maybe create a little cheat sheet for yourself of ways for you to lower or shorten policies, phrases, or procedures for customers.
"The dispute process takes ... [five minutes later = customer confused]" to be "I'll close out the card, file the dispute for the total amount of $00.00, and you'll receive paperwork in the mail." If questions asked, answer... otherwise, end it there.
Workday Requirements
  • Just try your absolute best.
  • Watch your tone
  • Smile on your voice
  • WRAP IT UP!
Job Well Done
8.00 hours
I had terrible adherence w/ personal time being over and not ready time being absolutely terrible.
Budgeting
  • Mike's FINAL ambulance payment should have been processed today - $579
  • Technically, NO SPEND DAY
To-Be added for the next day off
    [If camping] Pack and get all camping stuff ready to go.
    [If off] Spend the HOT weekend hanging out inside of the house, getting it cleaned up and doing some things that are much needed.
    [All depends as to what happens]
Positivity can be found in each day
That at the end of the day, and all that we've gone through, thick and thin and at the absolute max of stress level that we are at, we can come together and be there for each other in a way that only we can provide to one another.
Good Night's Sleep
7:43 hours
Bed at 10:45 pm
Mood Summary
[Day] Emotional Hurricane. Worse end of both spectrums at once, plus some random things in between. See journal below for further details.
[Night] Much calmer. Quality time with Mike. Random FFYS dinner for everyone. Youtube videos. I am much calmer tonight. However, I have had way more Klonopin that I more than likely probably should have consumed.
Things of important for Nick
Nothing on the end of what happened with Nickolas today. He did not have any access to Xbox so it is my impression that he spent about 90% of his day in his bedroom. There were absolutely no chores or anything around the house. The only indication of him showing himself was to ask what was for dinner around 8 pm.
Things of importance for Mikhail
Mikhail didn't want to wake up to go to camp this morning. Complaining of cramping and stomach pains. We decided it had to be associated with him biking on the trail on Saturday with the guys. Dad talked him into camp, only for us to realize, he had a field trip today! That helped move things along!
  • Field Trip - Bowling - 12:30 - 3:30 pm
  • Provided him $5 total to spend.
  • No swim stuff was packed
  • Field trip was a good success and he had lots of fun!
  • Summary of my Day

    Long story short, I’m experiencing one of the scariest roller coaster rides of my life. I have had many of these lives throughout the years. Months up, months down… only to repeat over and again. However, this one is much different. I am tieing it to the fact that I changed thyroid medicine from 10mg to 5mg – half a tablet. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, pretty small amount in retrospect. With that being said, thyroid hormones, plus all of my normal womanly hormones, with the addition of bipolar disorder, anxiety, and OCD on top of all of that, really messes with your head.

    The breakdown happened on Sunday. Three hours long break down of me trying to sort out my own thoughts, while telling Mike what I thought, without having a clue what was real or fake or made up in my own make-believe world that I created the prior two weeks. I was legitimately under the impression I was going to come home at some point this month to some grand party of a surprise birthday or (HAHA) even wedding. At this time, I realized how naive I was to think that something so off the wall would have even been considered to be true in my own head, but I believed it because the thoughts were racing so quickly to lead me to believe that this was a possibility.

    I’m experiencing everything from mind racing at a speed I have never experienced in my life. Suicidal thoughts, not actions, or self-harm. Just to be clear about that.  Depression, crying, no self-worth, making up scenarios, thoughts, or impressions and judgment from others, that is probably completely, 100% untrue. I’m impulsive to the point of spending money, I don’t have, nor have the ability to get. With SO much added expense that I have never experienced before, which added to the anxiety play of things in the entire situation. My sex drive is absolutely through the roof. Which is great for me, but not necessarily anyone else. Because it is so incredibly high, that I cannot control my own body of needing this form of pleasure or release. If something is done to provide it, instantly, then five-ten minute later, right back to needing more. What the hell is going on with me?!

    I called the endo… or let me say, the endo’s nurse practitioner’s assistant, who is currently playing phone tag with me over the past two days.

    Please let this be fixed. I haven’t experienced mood swings and ups and downs like this since after I was pregnant with Mikhail which leads me to a VERY good indication that ALL of this was NOT bipolar disorder back then, which I went 7-9 years treating, but in fact my stupid hormones and possibly including my thyroid in the mix of this and that I have been going years, down an incompletely right path to ‘fix myself’.

    Two weeks ago, I changed my meds. Two weeks ago, our huge merger happened between our new incoming back into our bank. 24,000+ calls on the first Monday and continued for two weeks. That’s died down significantly, but I did that, while all THIS was going on. So yea, when you wonder to yourself, would it better to just give up?, it wouldn’t be something out of the ordinary to think when so much is hitting you, your moods, your emotions, your thoughts, your perceived thoughts from other’s opinions about you, and so much more, on top of working 45-50 hours a week for the very first time in your life. That tends to do some pretty gnarly things to your mental and emotional state of being.

    We’ll see what comes next. Three more days of work. Camping may be canceled – weather and Mike’s call pending.

    [Afternoon/Evening Follow-up]

    I spent a good portion of the day doing three things:

    • calling two different doctor’s offices, begging, pleading, please, PLEASE HELP ME! One advised me to go to the other, and ultimately I wound up with an appointment to see my psych in two weeks, as was originally scheduled, with an indication that he will not help with this because this is not a bipolar situation but a thyroid/hormonal situation. Only to be told by my endo that I should seek psychiatric treatment and immediate care, including the suicide hotline because I went on for 20 minutes of the symptoms I was having due to the ONLY thing that has changed – which was their change to my thyroid medication, and they simply heard “suicidal thoughts” and blocked everything else out. Which followed up with the actual doctor calling me very overwhelmed that I needed to seek treatment immediately. After explaining that I’ve had similar THOUGHTS since I’ve been 10 years old, and know full well how to handle them, she advised me to call my psych. My psych told me what I said earlier. I called endo back to confirm psych will not help with this because it is going to screw up my bipolar that we’ve worked SO hard to stabilize over the years and this is NOT bipolar related, and will not help. She finally indicated that I could redo my blood work immediately. I stated that I would absolutely by no means leave work to do so, and would take care of it tomorrow morning. She indicated she wouldn’t be in the office tomorrow, and we both kinda left this as… well, then I guess nothing will be done until at the EARLIEST … Wednesday or Thursday. I also very blatantly made it clear, I was on 10mg. You put me back on 10mg, where I was fine and dandy, what happens when I do the scan? I absolutely HAVE to stop this medication for two weeks prior. So, my reduction of 10mg to 5mg cause THIS, what the crap is going to happen when I go from 10mg to 0mg without any wean time to do this scan? WTF is gonna happen then? So they go, do the bloodwork tomorrow, we’ll see what it says, and go from there and don’t worry about the scans anymore.
    • doing my absolute best being cussed out or screamed out by customers.
    • trying to keep my absolute complete cool with all emotions from everything that occurred today on top of everything added on top with customer situations.

    I had an exhausting day and we will see tomorrow – what comes next?

    Feel the love? Care to leave me a comment? 1 Comment || Filed Under: Uncategorized

    One Response to “Rollercoaster Ride”

    1. Sheri says:

      I hate when doctors finger-point at each other. I hope you get answers soon, I’m here if you need me.

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